Graphane and its derivatives are stable and extremely thin, wide band gap semiconductors that promise to replace conventional semiconductors in electronics, catalysis, and energy applications, greatly reducing device size and power consumption. In order to be useful, band-gap excitations in these materials should be long lived and nonradiative energy losses to heat should be slow. We use state-of-the-art nonadiabatic molecular dynamics combined with time-dependent density functional theory in order to determine the nonradiative lifetime and radiative line width of the lowest energy singlet excitations in pure and oxidized graphanes. We predict that pure graphane has a very long nonradiative decay time, on the order of 100 ns, while epoxy- and hydroxy-graphanes lose electronic excitation energy to heat 10-20 times faster. The luminescence line width is 1.5 times larger in pristine graphane compared to its oxidized forms, and at room temperature, it is on the order of 50 meV. Hydroxylation lowers graphane's band gap, while epoxidation increases the gap. The nonradiative decay and luminescence line width of pure graphane are governed by electron coupling to the 1200 cm(-1) vibrational mode. In the oxidized forms of graphane, the electronic excitations couple to a broad range of vibrational modes, rationalizing the more rapid nonradiative decay in these systems. The slow electron-phonon energy losses in graphane compared to other graphene derivatives, such as carbon nanotubes and nanoribbons, indicate that graphanes are excellent candidates for semiconductor applications.