Herein, we present an easy-to-use protein and cell patterning method relying solely on pipetting, rinsing steps and illumination with a desktop lamp, which does not require any expensive laboratory equipment, custom-built hardware or delicate chemistry. This method is based on the adhesion promoter poly(allylamine)-grafted perfluorophenyl azide, which allows UV-induced cross-linking with proteins and the antifouling molecule poly(vinylpyrrolidone). Versatility is demonstrated by creating patterns with two different proteins and a polysaccharide directly on plastic well plates and on glass slides, and by subsequently seeding primary neurons and C2C12 myoblasts on the patterns to form islands and mini-networks. Patterning characterization is done via immunohistochemistry, Congo red staining, ellipsometry, and infrared spectroscopy. Using a pragmatic setup, patterning contrasts down to 5 pm and statistically significant long-term stability superior to the gold standard poly(L-lysine)-grafted poly(ethylene glycol) could be obtained. This simple method can be used in any laboratory or even in classrooms and its outstanding stability is especially interesting for long-term cell experiments, e.g., for bottom-up neuroscience, where well-defined microislands and microcircuits of primary neurons are studied over weeks.